


The Love of a Lifetime

by IvanW



Series: The Bond Between Series [7]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Aging, Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, M/M, Old Married Couple, One True Pairing, POV Mix, The Bond Between Them Series, eternal love, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-06-06 21:57:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15204314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: This story is the final, concluding part of The Bond Between Them series, which is what I started my fanfiction career here.Jim and Spock have been married for a number of years and Jim is  now retired. There will be two chapters and it concerns mature, serious themes.





	1. Chapter 1

Spock was much later getting back than he had intended. Meeting with the elders had taken longer than anticipated and then one of them had suggested a meal and before Spock gave it very much thought, he was agreeing.

Vulcans could be quite the talkers when they had likeminded sorts around them and the dinner had taken hours at a vegetarian restaurant much farther away than Spock had realized.

By the time the hover taxi pulled up in front of the apartment, the rain was coming down hard and twilight had come and gone. Spock was very anxious.

He’d never meant to be so long.

He’d struggled between rushing up the stairs and taking the lift. The lift might be a little faster if he timed it right and so he rushed over to that. His heart pounded hard in his side.

As long as the apartment was not empty, Spock could handle anything else. Had handled it ever since the first time they’d met with him.

Spock ran down the corridor toward the door. He waved his hand over the entry lock.

_Please. Please do not be empty. Please be there. Waiting._

The door opened and Spock walked in.

The condo was dark and silent.

Spock realized he was clenching his fists and he forced himself to release them.

“Jim?”

He glanced toward the rain-splattered windows overlooking the city, trying to use the little bit of light coming in to see if the condo was truly empty.

Then he heard just the slightest snuffle and he could breathe again.

Spock set aside his traveler’s bag and moved forward in the darkness. Turning on the lights might be preferable but first Spock had to be sure the brightness would not be unwelcome.

He stepped toward the windows lining the one wall of the front room.

At first Spock didn’t see him and the panic began to set in again. But then as he was about to turn away and perhaps search for him in their bedroom, he spotted the huddled, hunched figure on the floor in the corner just past the windows.

Spock was filled with a mixture of relief, guilt, immense love, and concern. He hurried to the corner and knelt beside Jim.

“Ashayam.”

Jim, who’d had his face buried in his knees, looked up at Spock. Even with the limited light from the windows, Spock could see Jim’s face was streaked with tears.

Spock’s heart wanted to break. “It is all right, Jim. I am here now. You are not alone.”

Jim’s bottom lip trembled. “I don’t know you. Go away.”

Spock’s hand shook as he touched Jim’s cheek. “Remember,” he whispered.

He did what he often had to do. Use their bond to remind Jim who he was and who Spock was. Usually morning and afternoons were Jim’s best times. He generally remembered and did all right. And if Spock was with him in the evenings, it never got to this point.

But Spock had been too long.

Jim’s blue eyes cleared, though they still shone with tears. “Spock?”

Spock gave him a gentle smile and allowed his hand to fall. “Yes, darling. It is me.”

“Why am I on the floor?”

Spock shook his head. “Let me help you up.” He stood and reached down to pull Jim up and into his arms. “That is much better, is it not?”

Jim sighed and leaned against him. “Yes. Much. Spock.”

“Yes?”

“It-it happened again, didn’t it?”

Spock swallowed heavily. “To what do you refer?”

“You know. I-I lost it again.”

Jim’s voice was soft and filled with pain. It made Spock ache.

“It is my fault, darling. My meetings took longer than I realized. And I allowed them to talk me into dining with them.”

That didn’t seem to make any difference to Jim because he looked sadder still.

“You should be able to go out with your friends, Spock,” he said somewhat snappishly.

“Come, sit at the table and I will make us tea,” Spock said in an effort to distract him.

Jim allowed Spock to lead him to their table and gently pushed him down into a chair. He grasped Jim’s hands in his.

“Your hands are cold. I will get the warmers.”

Spock went over to the kitchen drawer and removed the handwarmers. He quickly heated them in the microwave and brought them to Jim, helping to pull them over Jim’s somewhat gnarled hands. The heat would prevent them from becoming too painful.

Jim sighed as he flexed his fingers in the warming gloves. His lips quirked up very slightly, which was a welcome sign.

“How was your dinner?”

“It was agreeable,” Spock replied. “But not agreeable enough to distress you. I was not thinking.”

“I’m all right.”

“Indeed,” Spock agreed, for it was easier for them both if he said so. “Cream of wheat tonight?”

“I’d rather have a donut.”

“After you finish the cereal.” Spock made to begin the preparations. It occurred to him that sometimes Jim was like a little child. He was reminded of the child they’d raised together.

Recently, Suvoc had contacted Spock about coming for a visit and Spock had wondered if it would be a good idea. Perhaps he should mention it to Jim.

“Jim.”

“Yes?”

“Suvoc has indicated a desire to come for a visit.”

For a moment, Jim looked confused and Spock’s heart sank.

“Our son,” he said quietly.

“I know,” Jim said defensively. “He…doesn’t he live with us?”

“No, ashaya. He moved out, remember?”

“Oh. Yeah.” But he said it in such a way that Spock did not know if he remembered or just said what Spock wanted to hear. “Good. He should. I would like to see him.”

Spock nodded. “I will inform him that a visit would be welcome.”

He brought the bowl of cream of wheat as well as the half and half over to the table in front of Jim.

Jim stared at the bowl. “Do I like this?”

“Yes, Jim.”

Jim smiled slightly and put his spoon into the bowl. “I miss our son, but you know who I also miss?”

“Who, ashaya?”

“Bones,” Jim said, matter-of-factly. “Think we can see him soon?”

Spock sat at the table next to his mate and reached for Jim’s hand. “Jim, Leonard has passed on. Remember?”

Jim narrowed his eyes and moved his hand away. “I know that, Spock. I’m not stupid.”

“Jim, I never intended to imply that you are stupid.” Spock was suddenly feeling very weary.

“I just meant that we could go to his grave or something, that’s all.” Jim lowered his gaze. He pushed away the bowl of cream of wheat. “Not hungry.”

“Would you like to have the donut?”

Jim looked up hopefully. “Could I?”

“Yes.” Spock rose and went to the cabinet to get the powdered donut package. He brought it to Jim.

“I’m sorry,” Jim said softly.

“I know. It is fine, ashaya.”

Jim licked his lips, catching powdered sugar as he did so. “No, it isn’t. Spock, you, you’re everything. And you…deserve better.”

“There is no one better. And we will not discuss this. Not again.”

“But I’m not getting better. I’m getting worse. You need to put me in a—”

Spock slammed his hand down on the table hard enough to make Jim flinch. “We will not discuss this!”

Jim sighed wearily. “We can’t keep ignoring this, sweetheart.”

“You are my husband and my bondmate. We will never be separated, Jim.”

“You didn’t bargain for this.”

“Neither did you.” Spock took Jim’s hand again. “Please, let us not fight about this.”

Jim bit his lip and slowly nodded. “Okay. For now. But it’s not over, Spock.”

Spock said nothing to that. He would not be swayed. Giving up on his bondmate would not be something he would ever do and this was a fight he would win.

“Another donut and more tea or are you ready for bed?”

“Bed.”

Spock assisted Jim in standing as he stood up from the table and walked with him to their bedroom.

“Do you want a shower tonight or in the morning?”

“Morning is fine. Too sleepy.”

Spock helped Jim into the Vulcan sleeping robe he had decided about ten years ago was preferable to his pajamas, then put on his own before joining Jim in their bed.

Spock reached out for Jim’s fingers, felt the familiar, welcome warmth. “Goodnight, ashaya.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

****

When Spock next opened his eyes, he was alone in bed.

“Jim?” he questioned loudly. He listened for the sound of the shower. There was nothing.

It was rare these days that his husband rose before him. In the first days of their bond, Jim’s sleep was often interrupted and he’d be up before Spock.

He could hear nothing from the other parts of the apartment.

Throwing back the covers, Spock rose from the bed, already running to the living room and kitchen.

“Jim! Jim!”

The apartment was empty.

Spock’s heart began to pound in panic.

He hurried back to the bedroom to change to go look for Jim. His fear increased when he spotted Jim’s communication device on the table by their bed.

“T’hy’la, where are you?”

Down in the street, in front of their apartment, Spock’s gaze searched for his husband. He did not see Jim anywhere.

Normally when given the choice, Jim would go right. But if Jim left the apartment to go to the place he liked to get food from for breakfast, that was left.

Spock went left and made it half a block when he saw Jim, his beautiful, wonderful, sweet husband, wearing brown slacks that were really too big for him now, a brown plaid flannel shirt, and a brown cardigan sweater. He was looking around the crowded area looking frightened and uncertain.

Spock hurried to him, not wanting to waste any time reaching him.

“Jim!”

Jim turned in relief at the sound of Spock’s voice. His eyes began to fill with tears. “Spock! Spock. I-I got lost.”

Spock enveloped him into his arms, holding him close against him, breathing him in. “It is all right, darling. I am here now.”

“I-I went to get breakfast. I can’t find the place. Is it gone? Did it move?”

He was shaking and Spock almost gave into a very emotional display of his own.

“No, kanbu.” He framed Jim’s face and kissed him. “Do not fret so. I am here and it is all right.”

Jim nodded.

“If you still want to pick up breakfast, I will take you there.”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

Spock smiled gently. “I was very surprised.”

Jim smiled back and slid his hands over to Spock’s holding them. “I should have just woke you up and had you come with me.”

“Indeed. Next time you will.” He kept Jim’s hand in his as they made their way to the breakfast place that had breakfast to go.

Jim stayed very close to Spock as they went to the small restaurant and ordered their usual favorites. Biscuits and gravy as well as hash browns for Jim and a vegetable frittata with fruit for Spock. They’d been going there for years. Back when Jim was still an active admiral.

Spock was aware he had it much better with his beloved than his counterpart had. The Ambassador’s t’hy’la had been lost to him when Jim was only in his sixties. Spock’s beloved was now in his seventies and their years together were amazing.

He hoped to have many years still to come with Jim. With Khan’s blood, it was possible. His only regret was the deterioration of Jim’s mind. But the Vulcan healers wished to try something for Jim that they thought might help, according to their son, so Suvoc was going to come and help convince Jim to go to New Vulcan to be evaluated. Jim could still be incredibly obstinate, perhaps more so with his lapses.

It was entirely possible they could not help his mate, but it was the first positive news Spock had received in a long time. If Jim could be helped, Spock wanted this more than he wanted his next breath.

“Sit at the table, ashal-veh, and I will bring you coffee.”

Jim smiled. “It smells really good.” He sat before the plate of food Spock had put down in front of his seat with the hash browns and biscuits and gravy.

Spock put his prepared coffee down and his tea and sat beside his t’hy’la.

“Jim, when Suvoc comes he has something he wishes to discuss with you.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. Do you know what it is?”

“Yes, my beloved.”

“I’m not going to like it, am I?” Jim asked suspiciously.

“I hope that you will keep an open mind, ashayam.”

“Uh-huh. I know I am in trouble when you start dropping endearments after every sentence you say to me.”

“Jim.”

His mate sighed. “I’ll listen.”

Spock picked Jim’s left hand up and kissed the fingers. “Thank you. How is your breakfast?”

“Yummy.” Jim grinned.

Spock allowed his own lips to form a smile. “Mine too.” He didn't know if the healers Suvoc spoke of could really help Jim, and if they did not, Spock would remain devoted to Jim, but he had just the beginnings of hope. For now it was enough.  


	2. Chapter 2

I’m losing my mind.

It’s strange knowing. Sometimes I know. I think. Other times I think whatever I am thinking is normal, even when on some level I maybe know it is not. Spock says I get worse as the sun goes down. Sun Downers. And worse when I am alone. This means Spock is either trapped to constantly stay with me or he has to get me a “baby sitter”.

I try to convince him to put me in some sort of facility where he will no longer be so burdened with me. But if one thing has remained the same, it is that Spock remains very stubborn.

We will not be separated.

So he says. And so we will not be. Until I unburden him with my death. Whenever that is.

Sometimes I ask for death. Not in front of Spock. That would be too much. Too cruel. But to myself. I didn’t think I would have to face this.

And now I am.

Would it have been better to be lost during a mission saving others as the other Kirk was? I sometimes think…

“Jim?”

Judging by the edge of panic I detected in Spock’s voice he was concerned again. I must have spaced out.

Space.

I missed it.

I smiled, didn’t know if it was forced. No longer cared really. I squeezed his hand. “Right here, Spock.”

Spock stared at me in that intense way he had always stared at me. As though he was trying to see into me, not just on the outside, and I had always loved it. I still did. And at least I remembered that much.

“What are you thinking, Adun?”

My smile was more genuine now. I took his hand in mine and curled our fingers together. “How much I love you.”

Those brown eyes warmed. People who bought the emotionless Vulcan stories were fools.

“It cannot compare to my love for you.”

I laughed then. “Want to bet? So when does Suvoc arrive?”

“Tomorrow.” Spock hesitated. “If that is okay.”

“Of course it is. Can’t wait to see him.”

And I couldn’t. That was the truth. I just hoped that when he arrived I would remember his name. His face. Sometimes all there was for me was Spock. If I forget Spock, then please just end this.

He was frowning slightly now.

“What?”

“Through the bond, I feel…you are distressed.”

“It’s nothing, Spock. Just a little…unsure. I don’t want to disappoint you or Suvoc.”

“That is impossible.”

“You know what I mean. My-my memory issues.” I sighed. “God I hate this.”

“Whatever happens, I will be with you until the end,” Spock assured me.

“I know and that’s what bothers me.”

“Jim—”

“I know. You don’t want to hear how I’m a burden to you like this. But I am, honey. And we both know it.”

“Please.” Spock’s eyes were pleading. “Do not.”

“Spock, baby, I’m not trying to upset you.”

“But you are. Every time you bring this up it pains me greatly. As a Vulcan, you are my mate, my husband, my link to everything, until one of us dies. Asking me to put you away in some cold, stark, lonely place is like asking me cut off a piece of me.”

“I thought Vulcans didn’t do dramatics.”

“Jim. Please. My control is not what it once was and I—”

He turned away but not before I saw that his eyes were filling with tears. And just like that I felt like the biggest asshole in the universe making my Vulcan husband cry.

“Oh, Spock, honey, I’m sorry.” I went to him then, putting my arms around him. He hugged me back fiercely. “You win, babe. We won’t be separated. Ever.”

****

Later in bed, I watched Spock meditate in the little area of our bedroom he preferred to use in the evening. He had a whole room devoted to it in the rest of the apartment, but at night he preferred to meditate near me, to monitor me I supposed. Though I think that had been the case for a while.

His usual meditation room would have to be changed over to Suvoc’s room for the moment anyway.

I had a book in front of me, pretending to read, because I didn’t get much pleasure out of it these days. It was difficult to process and concentrate on the words now and I seldom retained the memory of what I read. I don’t think I fooled Spock either. But in the old days, before all this, when he meditated, I would read.

I loved Spock more each day and I had every day since I met him all those years ago in the…back when I met him. A long time ago.

Spock eventually finished meditating and he rose from his mat with a graceful ease I very much envied. Vulcans really were superior.

He turned toward me with a little half smile. “You are staring rather than reading, T’hy’la.”

“Yeah, sorry. Watching you is a lot more interesting.”

I watched him then make his last minute preparations to join me in bed. We weren’t intimate much anymore and I wasn’t even sure why. I wanted to be but I suppose my condition made the appeal of it wane for Spock.

He pulled aside the covers and got in beside me, reaching his fingers out for mine. I touched them.

“Hey, we could…”

“What, Jim?”

I licked my lips. “With Suvoc coming we won’t have any opportunities and I was thinking…” I trailed off, feeling embarrassed. 

“You were thinking?” Spock prompted. 

“We could make love.” 

I tensed, expecting his rejection. For a moment he simply stared at me. My heart was beating fast. 

Then he leaned over and kissed me on the mouth. I felt the touch of his tongue pressing against the seam of my lips and I parted them to allow him entry. 

After a while, I pushed gently away from him, my gaze seeking his. 

“Yes?” 

His answer was to unbutton the pajama shirt I wore, which sped up my heart beat even more. 

Filled with joy I had not felt in a long time, I helped him with the removal of my clothes and then his, sliding his robe from his shoulders and exposing his bare skin everywhere. 

He reached for the lubricant and prepared me with his usual expertise. 

“Remember our first time?” 

“I remember every time,” he assured me, kissing me, and gently pushing into me. He stopped for a moment, his dark eyes intense. “Do you?” 

I smiled. “It was right after that Orion bitch tried to abduct me again.” 

His relief and love flooded our bond and he began to thrust inside me with an aching slowness, but they were powerful and deep. 

He put his hand on my face, spreading his fingers across my face. His other hand grasped my erection, curling around the shaft and pumping me. 

“Spock,” I groaned. 

It was incredible and it had been so long that neither of us could last long. 

“T’hy’la.” 

I felt him shake and shudder inside me, releasing his fluid within me and soon I had cum, too, coating his hand and my stomach. 

He moved off the bed then, returning with a warm, damp cloth to clean us. Then he helped me back into my pajamas before redressing himself. 

“Thank you,” I murmured as he drew me close. 

“You do not need to thank me for making love to you, adun. It is always my great pleasure.”

I nodded and closed my eyes, feeling very tired and sated.

“Yes, darling. Sleep. It is a big day tomorrow.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in their son, Suvoc's POV. Final chapter will be in Spock's.

Suvoc supposed it had really been too long since he’d seen his two fathers. But he had been busy on New Vulcan. His duties there as an instructor at the VSA were extensive and he hoped in a year or two to receive the promotion to head instructor at the school. He was getting ahead of himself, he knew. There were other candidates who were fully Vulcan.

He’d kept in touch with Sa-Mekh of course on Father’s worsening condition, which was, of course, why he was here. He’d been talking to Vulcan mind healers. And now, he needed to speak with Father.

They were waiting for him as he stepped off the shuttle ramp and for a moment, emotion overwhelmed him. They both looked frail and vulnerable compared to when he’d last seen them. Sa-Mekh should have many years ahead of him, still, and yet having to care for Father in his current condition was quite clearly having its effect on Sa-Mekh. He looked…frazzled. Not a good look on a Vulcan.

And Father. He was smiling but it was faint and there was just the touch of vacancy in those familiar blue eyes.

Suvoc steeled himself. He could show nothing to Father that indicated his despondency. He was here for Father…and Sa-Mekh. He must maintain strength at all costs.

He turned to the man coming down the ramp behind him.

“That’s them, I take it?”

“Yes. I…”

“Relax. If anyone can accept me, it is them,” Ronan said. “Shall we?”

“Indeed. Come.”

Suvoc walked nervously forward. Now he doubted the wisdom of keeping the important information from his parents. He felt the comfort and security from Ronan and was gratified.

“Father,” Suvoc said as he stopped before them. He pulled Father into an embrace, pleased when arms came around to hold him back. He released Father to turn to Sa-Mekh, preparing his fingers for the ta’al, but Sa-Mekh pulled him close as well.

“Who is this?” Sa-Mekh asked next to Suvoc’s ear.

Suvoc stepped back and next to Ronan. “This is Ronan, my mate.”

“Mate?” Sa-Mekh’s eyebrow shot up. “You are bonded?”

“Affirmative.”

“Sirs,” Ronan spoke up. “It is my honor to meet you.”

Father eyed Suvoc's mate. “You are Human?”

Ronan smiled. “Yes and no. I am half.”

Sa-Mekh’s brows furrowed. “You are not Vulcan.”

“Also yes and no. I am quarter Vulcan.”

“And the other?”

“Sa-Mekh.”

“Romulan, actually.” Ronan continued to smile. Suvoc liked his smile.

“Why were we not alerted to your intention to bond?” Sa-Mekh demanded.

“Spock,” Father said, softly. Spock immediately seemed to relax the ire he had been directing toward Suvoc and Ronan. “Why don’t we head home and you can conduct the Inquisition there?”

“I…yes. Very well.” Sa-Mekh turned. He gestured. “The hover car is this way.”

As Sa-Mekh moved to head in that direction, Suvoc mouthed the word, “Thank you” at Father, who smiled.

Ronan walked close beside him for which Suvoc was grateful. For some reason, Suvoc had anticipated Father would be the difficult one rather than Sa-Mekh.

The trip to their apartment was fraught with silence from Sa-Mekh but Ronan kept up chatter with Father.

Once in the apartment, Father said, “Well, let’s get you settled in your room—”

“Suvoc, a word, please.”

He stiffened and looked regretfully in Father and Ronan’s direction. At the moment, Ronan was trying not to look at either Suvoc or his Sa-Mekh, and Suvoc could hardly blame him.

“Spock, you’re being rude,” Father said pointedly.

“No, Father. It is all right. Please show my mate to our room.”

Suvoc turned to Sa-Mekh as soon as Father and Ronan were out of earshot. “You wished to converse?”

“This bonding was…sudden.”

“Quite. In human terms, we eloped,” he replied, as stiff as Sa-Mekh.

“Very recently?”

“Affirmative. I…it was my time and Ronan…” Suvoc shook his head, aware he was becoming embarrassed.

“Your time? I was not made aware.”

“As there was nothing you could do about it, there was no requirement to notify you,” Suvoc snapped. He straightened. “Please. There is no reason for objection to Ronan.”

Sa-Mekh looked as though he would argue, but then nodded. “As it was sudden due to your…Pon Farr, that is the way of things.” He turned toward the kitchen. “I will prepare tea while you get settled.”

Suvoc bowed. “As you wish.”

He found Ronan in the bedroom talking to Father. He became instantly concerned when he saw that Father looked a little confused. He exchanged a quick look with Ronan.

“I’ll be right back. Going to go to the bathroom,” Ronan said. He stopped and squeezed Suvoc’s arm as he went past.

“Are you well, Father?”

Father scrunched up his face. “Who was that?”

Heart sinking, Suvoc forced himself to remain calm. “My husband, Ronan. You met him a short time ago.”

“Oh.”

“It is all right, Father. You will get to know him better over tea. Sa-Mekh is making some.”

“Spock?”

“Yes, Father.”

Suddenly Father looked scared. “Where-where is he? Where’s Spock? Spock!”

“Father—”

“I don’t-I don’t-Spock! Spock!”

Sa-Mekh appeared and hurried over to Father, grabbing him by the biceps and looking straight into his face. “I am here, ashal-veh. You are not alone.” He glanced briefly at Suvoc. “Please finish the tea for me.”

“Sa-Mekh—”

“All will be well. Go.”

Suvoc went out to the kitchen where Ronan waited. He went instantly to his mate who embraced him. “He’s definitely worse.”

“I know. We will take him to the healers, e’lev.”

“Yes,” Suvoc agreed. “Soon.” And he prepared the tea.

It was only Sa-Mekh who came out a few minutes later.

“He’s resting. I put him down for a nap,” Sa-Mekh said. “He should be better when he awakens.”

Suvoc had no doubt that when Sa-Mekh said he put Father down, much like a parent does for a child, he helped Father ease into sleep. Fear and uncertainty curled in his stomach.

Sa-Mekh looked to Ronan, who remained as cool and calm as he ever was. “Which of your parent was human?”

“My mother, actually,” Ronan replied, taking the tea Suvoc handed him, with an easy smile that served to melt some of Suvoc’s unease. “My father was Romulan and Vulcan. His father was Vulcan and his mother Romulan. It was she who raised me.”

“You were raised by your Romulan grandmother,” Sa-Mekh said with a stiff nod.

“Yes. She was a former commander in the Romulan forces.”

Suvoc decided it was time to direct Sa-Mekh away from the inquisition. He opened his mouth to speak.

“How did you two meet?”

“Sa-Mekh—”

Ronan held up his hand. “All is well, e’lev. Were my grandmother alive, you would be subjected to similar inquiry. My people are gone, all of them, and I went to the colony to help with rebuilding all that I could with New Vulcan. I am only a quarter so I was rejected as a sperm donor, but I am involved with implementing native plants and species onto the colony. This is how I met Suvoc.” Ronan smiled in Suvoc’s direction. Being only a quarter Vulcan, Ronan smiled easily, showed his affection easily, and yes, his wisdom. “After our initial acquaintance, your son found that it was his time. We decided I would assist him with that.”

Suvoc felt himself color but did not add anything to Ronan’s words. Indeed, what else was there to say? Sa-Mekh could fill in the blanks.

“And you are well…suited?”

It was the closest Sa-Mekh would come to asking if there was affection between them. Suvoc nodded. “Yes. I wish to speak of Father. When can I talk to him of the healers on New Vulcan?”

“I made him aware of your intention to speak, but whether he recalls that, at this point, I cannot say.”

Suvoc nodded again. “The sooner I can convince him, the sooner he will be helped. With your permission, I would like to speak with Father privately.”

Sa-Mekh shook his head. “I do not know if that is wise. He does not do well if I am not there."

“I am not asking you to leave the apartment. Only the room. Should Father become agitated or distressed, then you will be nearby.”

“Very well.”

“I have always known how to behave carefully with Father. There is no need for concern.”

“As he was in the past, yes. But you have had little experience with the changes in him. Other than what I have explained to you and the few incidences you have experienced yourself. He may have dementia, Suvoc, but he is as stubborn as ever. Perhaps more so. Distressing him can possibly cause more damage than I am willing to accept. You will tread very carefully.”

“Yes, Sa-Mekh. I will tread carefully.”


	4. Chapter 4

Spock could not deny he was anxious about Suvoc speaking with Jim without his presence. He trusted their son and knew that Suvoc would do nothing to hurt Jim, not intentionally anyway. But Spock had become more than just Jim’s bondmate and husband, he was his guardian, and leaving him alone with  _anyone_ went against everything Spock had become.

He hovered anxiously. Pacing in the apartment when he could no longer stand still.

He could hear Ronan speaking softly in another room, obviously communicating with someone outside their circle.

Spock stopped outside the bedroom he shared with Jim and reached out through their bond to ascertain Jim’s emotional state. Jim did not seem frightened or upset, but neither was he getting any positive emotion from his husband. Just neutrality.

He turned and went into the kitchen to pour himself tea. Spock had time to wonder if perhaps his need to protect and care for Jim had led to obsession. He did not know. He could not bear Jim being hurt in anyway. Coming home the night when his meeting had run late to find Jim in such a state had convinced Spock that he might not be able to leave Jim alone any longer. And then when Jim had gotten lost after that, Spock had become even more convinced. Losing Jim was not at all something Spock was prepared to do. Not at this point. Not ever, actually, but he knew it was likely he would someday.

There had been a time Spock had hoped Khan’s blood would keep his T’hy’la alive much longer than he would normally be expected, but the tests Leonard had done prior to his own passing had not revealed that to be the case.

The door opened to the bedroom, and Spock set his cup down, hurrying over to see the result of Suvoc’s visit with Spock.

The two emerged together. Suvoc had his arm linked with Jim’s, his expression very soft, gentle and affectionate. Jim had a slight smile on his face. Spock did not yet give in to relief.

“Jim?” he ventured.

“We’re going to New Vulcan, Spock,” Jim announced with a look at Suvoc.

“I have convinced Father that the healers seek to help him. With your permission, Sa-Mekh, we will all leave for New Vulcan tomorrow. Ronan and I will make the arrangements.”

Spock went to Jim then, removing his son from Jim’s side, aware he was doing so, perhaps, possessively.

“You are sure, Adun?”

Jim smiled, his blue eyes bright and clear, no confusion visible. “I’m sure. Maybe it will actually help.”

Spock hoped so too, but he was concerned that both Jim and Suvoc could get their hopes up for nothing. Suvoc could deal with it, Spock was sure, but Jim…he feared not. And Spock, himself, he was not sure if he could deal with the disappointment that there might not be any hope for Jim. He drew Jim into his arms and held him close. “Let us go then. Tomorrow.”

****

Jim fell asleep on the shuttle to New Vulcan almost immediately after they boarded. This concerned Spock, because Jim often woke up a little confused, and in an unfamiliar setting, it would be particularly upsetting for both of them.  

It wasn’t that Spock didn’t want Jim to have all the care in the universe. If he could be helped, Spock would be first in line for it. Once, Spock had been accused of neglecting to pursue alternative care for Jim because he wanted to keep Jim completely reliant on him. Spock would sell his very Katra to see Jim well and safe and anyone who truly knew Spock, and what Jim meant to him, would know.

Across from them on the shuttle sat Suvoc and Ronan. They were speaking softly to each other, so softly that Spock would have to strain to hear, his hearing was not what it had been once, and he was too disinterested to bother. If Suvoc had found a bondmate even one-tenth as important to him as Spock had with his, then Spock was glad for them, whatever the circumstances that got them together. Spock could no more blame Ronan for the rogue Romulan, Nero, then his old counterpart could be blamed for the destruction of Romulus.  Probably even less so. Every species of every planet had their problematic citizens.

The truth was, Spock did not relish the idea of giving in to that most inconvenient emotion of hope. For if he did, if he allowed himself to be filled with hope that Jim would be well again and a true partner to him once more, and then the healers on New Vulcan advised that there was nothing to be done for Jim, then Spock would feel twice as devastated. It mattered not about how illogical that was. He would be no worse off than before he’d learned Jim could not be helped, and therefore, it made no sense to mourn what he’d never even had the hope of having.

And there was that word again…hope.

But he had it. It had come in. It had crept into his heart, into his mind, his dreams, uninvited, and most unwelcome.

And if they were both doomed to disappointment, Spock had a decision to make. He was well aware that Jim would not want to live years as he was now. And Spock was equally aware he would not live years without Jim. He had made that decision long ago.

So if all hope was indeed loss for Jim, for them, then Spock would have to, at last, end it for both of them.

As they approached New Vulcan, Jim began to stir, and Spock prepared himself for what he would face as Jim awoke, for his own mind was already filled with the dreaded horror of Jim’s desolate confusion.

Jim straightened from leaning against Spock and looked around the shuttle in panic. “What? What is this? Where am I?”

“Jim.”

He looked at Spock, but there was only blankness. “Who are you?”

“I am Spock.”

Jim shrugged. “So?”

“Your husband.”

Jim shook his head. “No. No. I don’t know you. Where am I? Where’s security? Someone help me!”

He scrambled up from his seat.

Suvoc put a hand on his shoulder. “Here. I will help you.”

Jim looked at him, frowning. “Who are you?”

“It is all right, Father…Dad. It is me. It is Suvoc. We are on the shuttle about to land on New Vulcan.”

“New Vulcan.”

“Yes. And Spock is your bondmate and husband.” Suvoc turned him back toward Spock. “You remember. You have been together many years.”

Jim’s face crumbled. “Spock,” he whispered.

“Yes, Dad. Go to him.”

Spock opened his arms and Jim went into them, burying his face in Spock’s neck, tears already flowing. “I am here, ashayam. I am here.”

He gazed across, over Jim, at Suvoc. They shared a look. They both knew that if this didn’t work, the option left open to them.

Spock hoped it worked.

And there, he was back to hope. All that he had. They had.

****

Though Suvoc wanted to take Jim to the healers immediately, Spock knew that Jim would need some food and rest before facing another ordeal. And Spock knew with the disease that ravaged Jim’s mind, any deviation, any change, anything really, could prove too much for his fragile mate.

So they first settled in where they would be staying, Sarek’s old house, for Sarek had been gone for years now, himself, and where Suvoc and Ronan now lived when they were on New Vulcan.

It occurred to Spock to wonder at what point it could be simply called Vulcan, as there was only the one Vulcan now, though it would never be the true Vulcan, his true homeland, of his youth, of his people, his ancestors.

When Spock presented Jim with a bowl of freshly made Plomeek soup, Jim stared down at it. “Do I like it?”

“Yes, Jim. Over the years you have expressed a fondness for it.”

Jim nodded and scooped up a spoonful.

Spock moved over to where Suvoc hovered. Ronan had left them alone to spend time together.

“How did you manage to get him back so quickly to himself?” Spock asked.

“When I touched him, I made contact with his skin, under his shirt, and connected our minds,” Suvoc replied.

Spock exhaled. “That is my method. But there is a time, when it will likely not be enough.”

“I believe such a time will not come, Sa-Mekh.”

“Hope is a dangerous and most illogical desire.”

“And yet, at times, it is all we have,” Suvoc replied. “As you, yourself, have experienced.”

“If this does not work—”

“It will.”

“If it does not.” Spock stopped, shook his head. “Jim and I made a lot of promises to each other in our youth, Suvoc. To not honor them, is to dishonor both of us.”

“Sa-Mekh.”

“In a way, I am pleased you are newly bonded and are building a life with Ronan. It will make things easier.”

Suvoc shook his head. “You speak darkness.”

“The darkness would be the rest of my days without him.”

“I know of your great affection for Father, but—”

“It goes well beyond mere affection. We are T’hy’la. I have no desire to live without him.”

“You will not have to,” Suvoc maintained stubbornly. “For this will work.”

Spock returned to Jim, who was looking more and more exhausted. He sat beside him, peering in to see that he had finished the Plomeek.

Jim smiled at him. “You were right, I liked it.”

“Jim.” He covered Jim’s hand with his. “For now, it is good for you to rest, but in the morning we are going to see the Vulcan healers Suvoc has arranged for you to meet with. Do you remember?”

“Yes,” Jim said. “I remember all of that.”

“Good.”

Jim looked wistful for a moment.

“What is it, T’hy’la?”

“Do you remember, long ago, when we first got together?”

Spock nodded. “I do. Do you?”

The smile returned. “After I was abducted by the Klingons. And you rescued me.” He paused to stare intently at Spock. “You always rescue me.”

“And I always will.”

“I was talking to you about…about being afraid. And you told me even starship captain’s feel fear.”

“Yes,” Spock said, softly. He wondered what Jim was getting at.

Jim turned his hand over so there palms were touching. “You said there was nothing to fear for either of us.”

His chest constricted and Spock nodded. “Yes.”

“It was true then, T’hy’la,” Jim said. “And it’s true now.”

Spock pulled Jim close. “Yes, Ashayam. Yes.”

****

When Spock woke early in the morning, Jim was no longer in bed with him. He rose in a panic, flying up from the bed, wrenching open the door, and heading out into the rest of the house when he heard murmured voices.

Jim and their son.

“Do you remember, Dad, when you saved the universe?”

“Which time?” Jim asked. He sounded amused.

“The time with V’ger.”

Jim hesitated. “Not…really.”

Suvoc nodded. “You were an admiral then, and Captain Decker was in command. You were going to do as they asked, and command the Enterprise, but first you spoke to me about going to New Vulcan with Sa-Mekh’s counterpart.”

His mate sighed and Spock moved to go to him. To rescue him from this frustrating conversation with their son. But he held himself back for a moment more.

“I don’t. I’m sorry. I wish I could.”

“It is all right. I will remember for both of us.” Suvoc grabbed Jim’s hand and squeezed it gently. Spock was always grateful for how gentle Suvoc was with Jim. Even before Jim’s illness, Suvoc treated Jim with a tremendous amount of love and respect, and Spock was very proud of the boy who had become their son. “It was when I asked you for permission to call you father.”

“And yet, you are calling me dad.”

“I have never know, truly, what is your preferred title,” Suvoc admitted. “I chose father then, because I wanted so very desperately to be Vulcan and not show any of my human side.”

“Like Spock.”

“Yes. But over the years, I have discovered that, rather than being either Vulcan or human, I will simply be what I am…me.”

“Ah. You are wise beyond your years, kiddo.”

Spock smiled slightly. It had been years since Jim had called Suvoc that. And he recognized the pleasured flush in Suvoc’s face that he had noticed and appreciated it as well.

“I wish for you to know, that though I waited for that moment to ask if I could call you father, I had long before that, thought of you that way, and no matter the outcome of this day and this meeting with the healers, you are my beloved father, my dad, and my favorite parent.”

Spock straightened from where he stood.

Jim laughed. “That’s what you get for eavesdropping. I told Suvoc a long time ago, it wasn’t a good thing to eavesdrop.”

“You recall that, do you?” Spock asked as he gave their son a reproachful look. Suvoc arched a serene brow. He bent down to kiss Jim’s forehead. “Good morning, T’hy’la.”

“Morning, babe.”

Jim was full of surprises this morning and Spock felt himself flush similar to Suvoc. He firmly quashed down on the flare of hope that rose. In the early days, Jim had a lot of good moments. Having them now meant nothing, especially as they hadn’t even met yet with the Vulcan healers.

Jim was quite fully human, and Spock was unsure if Vulcan healers could even help him, but Suvoc wanted to try, and Jim was willing, so what protest could Spock even make?

After breakfast the four of them left the house, himself and Jim, and Suvoc and Ronan. They had decided to walk. It was warm, but not overly so, and the temple where the healers waited for them was not far.

Spock could feel Jim’s anxiety and he began to worry it came from him and echoed back at Jim, who shot it back at him. He didn’t want to affect Jim or his feelings about this matter, but it was so much harder to shield these days than it had once been.

Jim kept hold of Spock’s arm as they walked and that was at least some small comfort for both of them. Jim had always been very touchy feely and the days when that would have bothered Spock went out with the first time Jim joined their minds. He was not ashamed that he craved Jim’s touch as much as the reverse.

When they were inside the foyer of the Healing Temple, Suvoc stopped them.

“Wait here. They are expecting us but wish to learn what instructions they have for us.”

Ronan faded away into the shadows, and Spock noticed he was good at that, giving them privacy. Spock took Jim aside.

“T’hy’la, how do you feel?”

“A little…apprehensive.”

“They will not harm you, no matter the outcome.”

“I know,” Jim said softly. “It’s just…you have so much invested in this. I would hate for it to fail.”

“We do, Jim. This is for both of us, yes, but mostly so that you can be yourself again, for whatever years you have left.”

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

“So you have said before and as I have said, you are not.”

He leaned into me then. “I know what you plan if this fails. You think I don’t that you are hiding it. But we’re bonded, Spock. Even if I’m not right in the head, I know.”

“And what of it? We made promises to each other.”

“Long ago promises. When I was young and thought I’d live forever.”

“That changes nothing, T’hy’la. Just as you didn’t want to face endless years with dementia, I did not want to endure endless years without you. Nothing has changed in that regard.”

“Spock—”

“I will not have the lonely, empty existence of my counterpart.”

“He lived some good years.”

Spock shook his head. “He existed, Jim. But no, he did not live. I know. You must trust me.”

Jim looked away. “So if this fails, and I fail more, you’re going to end this. For both of us.”

“Peacefully and without pain.”

His gaze returned to mine and held it, trapped in a million memories between us.

“They are ready,” Suvoc said, as he returned.

****

The first healer that touched Jim’s mind was the son of Stonn, and for a moment, Spock thought to protest, old biases of his own rearing up, but the healer only looked upon Jim with kindness and reassurance and the protests died on Spock’s lips. Sons could be better than their fathers.

“My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.”

The healer stayed in Jim’s mind for more than an hour, but Spock monitored each moment, somewhat anxiously, by sight and by feel, and there were no signs of distress.

Another healer waited after him, this one a female, as young as Stonn’s son, and her touch to Jim’s face and to his mind was gentler still.

More time passed and Spock grew more anxious. When she was done, she lay Jim down on a bed.

“Fear not,” she said to Spock and Suvoc. “He is well. He needs a period of rest, of sleep.”

“And?”

“We can help him. He will need several treatments over the course of weeks, so he must stay here for a time, but already he will see improvement.” She turned to Spock. “Your mate has a remarkable mind, even now. He is very strong. There will still be times that he may have momentary forgetfulness, but that is to be expected in the aging mind. He is human and whether or not we wish it, they do not last as long as us.”

Spock felt emotion coming up from his pounding heart and into his throat. He nodded his understanding.

Suvoc turned to Spock. “This is good news, Sa-Mekh, yet you look upset.”

“I did not think…I dared not hope.”

Stonn’s son stepped forward. “The mixed blood in him.”

“Mixed?”

“He had a significant transfusion, did he not?”

“Yes.”

The healer nodded. “It has helped. And it will help us with the treatments. He may yet live longer than you imagined.”

“But not with…dementia?”

He inclined his head. “As my wife has explained, there may be some forgetfulness, as expected with aging, but yes, the disease that is in his mind, his brain, it is treatable.”

Spock went to the bed they had laid Jim down on and knelt beside it. He put his hands to Jim’s face, to examine his mate’s mind himself. To check for changes, damage from them, though he expected none, he had to be sure.

Jim opened his eye, vivid blue looking at Spock. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Spock returned. “How do you feel, my James?”

“Like living.”

****

**Three years later**

“There they are,” Jim exclaimed, clutching Spock’s arm.

And yes, as Jim said, off the shuttle platform came first Ronan and then Suvoc, holding on to their almost three year old son. He squirmed in Suvoc’s arms as soon as he spotted the two of them.

With a shake of his head, Suvoc set his son down.

“Grandpa!” he screamed, running to Jim, who with a hearty, joyous laugh leaned down to scoop up the child.

“Hi, Kiddo.”

Suvoc and Ronan reached them as Spock walked up to Jim and the boy.

They’d been on New Vulcan for a while and had now come to San Francisco for a visit. Suvoc had informed Spock they were considering relocating to San Francisco permanently. He had not yet informed his husband, but he knew Jim would be thrilled.

“Now. Let’s see.” Jim peered at the boy. “What’s your name again?”

The three adults tensed automatically even though they all knew it was a game between Jim and the child.

He giggled, which was an odd thing in a three quarters Vulcan, one quarter Human child. They’d used a Vulcan surrogate as they’d decided to help with expanding the population. And to Ronan’s credit, he fully embraced the son that was not his biologically.

“I know! It’s Gordon!”

“Grandpa!”

Jim laughed and tickled him to the point he was squealing in laughter. Both of them actually. “Okay, okay. George. Your name is George.”

“Yay!” Tiny arms encircled Jim’s neck.

Suvoc smiled. And, for Spock, it was nice to see. He was so much freer than Spock had been at that age. Or ever would be, Spock supposed. But Suvoc had Jim and Ronan as influences, and young George did too. Spock was beyond pleased to call them his family.

“I have presents back at the apartment for you,” Jim told George as he carried him toward the exit of the shuttle bay, not bothering to wait to see if the other three adults followed. They would, of course. Jim commanded authority. Always had and always would.

Spock put his hands on the shoulder of Suvoc and Ronan. “Come. We’ve been cooking all day.”

Life was not perfect and never would be, Spock thought, but it was as close as it ever would or could be.

And from Jim:

Me again. I feel good these days. Better than I have in years and I know I have the Vulcan healers to thank. That and my family.

I never would have imagined when Spock and I…Spock and Me…you know, I still forget grammar sometimes, anyway, back when the two of us bonded after that shuttle crash, when I accidentally bonded us, it would ever get to where we are now. Happy, old, with a child, and a grandchild. Still madly in love.

Well, I don’t know. Maybe I should have known, should have guessed. Maybe I had such a shitty childhood, so that one day, I could have this.

Whatever. What I do know is…the bond between us is stronger than ever. Between me and Spock, of course, always, and between us and Suvoc, and Ronan, and George. 

I miss others. Ambassador Spock who gave us this. Each other. And Suvoc. Bones. I’ll always miss Bones. Scotty. Uhura. Most are gone now. But Spock and I, we remain.

I am…gratified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first fiction I ever wrote for Star Trek/Spirk was The Bond Between Them, back in 2013. So, when I was looking for a place to set this Jim and Spock, I chose them.
> 
> When I first set out to write this story of Jim's mental decline/Alzheimer disease it was a way for me to deal with my own, 92 year old mother's decline. She doesn't have Alzheimers, but she has moments where she's lost in her own mind. And I wanted to write about that from Spock's point of view when viewing his husband. 
> 
> I decided to make it a fic, and when I did, I chose the Bond Between Them series for it, as I said. For those two began my extreme love affair with writing fan fiction. You'll notice it's got third and first povs but Jim in BBT was always first and I wanted to stay consistent.
> 
> And so, once again, I must say goodbye to them, at last, I suppose, for good this time. And I may have cried a little at the prospect. 
> 
> Goodbye My T'hy'la, I will no longer allow myself to think of you.


End file.
